You can't win for losin'

Yesterday:

MCI (worst company ever) calls to tell me they've sent our account to a collection agency. After much ill-exerted anxiety and argument, it's their fault.

I shatter a glass candle holder.

I have my interview with EDD regarding part-time unemployment benefits. I disqualify myself by stating I'm currently enrolled in a training program which may cut into the traditional 40 hour work week. My application is thrown out and I have to apply again in a month - and lie better.

I go to my car and have a ticket.

I'm at an intersection with my foot on the brake. I reach down to get my toll money from my purse. My foot slides off the brake. I rear-end the 60ish African American woman in front of me.

I go to a discount sporting goods store to buy more much needed yoga tops. The fitting room is full of fluorescents. Enough said.

I go to the dentist for the most painful cleaning of my life. I'm told, once again, that I don't floss enough, need a mouth guard, and my gums are in terrible shape. I'm expected to return next week for a more thorough cleaning; one that will require Novicain.

I go to a lingerie store to exchange a bra. The fitting room is full of fluorescents. Enough said.

I go to my therapy appointment and have run out of things to say 30 minutes into it. I write a check for $95.

I return home to a venomous email from my mother.

I fall asleep on the couch and roll over onto my glasses, bending them out of shape.

Thankfully today is a much different day.